Periomenopause, aging gracefully, and my wonky spine
I looked at this photo and thought, “Wow, I really look my age.”
So here ya go. I’m my age.
I do love the moon, and I have appreciated being in sync with her every month. I especially love getting my period on the new moon or full moon, although the emotional lessons can feel intense. I think it’s a beautiful gift that women have, to ebb and flow with the moon cycles and the tides. It’s magical when you think about it, but of course many women who have challenging periods don’t think it’s magical at all. I didn’t think it was so magical as a pre-teen having my first cramps and being embarrassed to wear a pad. “Can you see it through my pants?” was the big whisper to our girlfriends in the hallways, right?
Perimenopause
And then regardless of our experiences over our next couple of decades, in our 40s, hormones usually start shifting again. The term “perimenopause” was new to me until a few years ago and I only heard of it because I have dear friends who are midwives. I don’t recall any doctors or nurse practitioners talking about any build-up to menopause, and I thought that the only changes that occur with menopause are that your periods get sporadic and then eventually stop, and then some women have troubling mood swings, reduced sex drive and hot flashes, and some don’t.
Well, guess what — it ain’t that simple. Perimenopause can be an adjustment period that lasts 5-10 years as our hormones adjust. I turned 50 this year (yay quarantine birthday) and my periods are still coming on time every month, but whoooooo they are getting more challenging. I was fortunate and didn’t have cramps very often over the past 30 years, but I do get PMS symptoms like depressed feelings and mood swings, back aches, and irritability when my cycle starts. But now I get the fun times of cramps, mood swings, bloating (like, why don’t my jeans fit?), fogginess, disrupted sleep, and good ol’ low back aches. Some women experience hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, and many of us experience bouts of anxiety.
The transition from being a fertile woman to a wise beautiful crone ain’t easy but honestly, I feel mostly ready for what is to come. I’ve had a good run of menstruating, birthing and breastfeeding, and I feel almost ready to thank the moon for her years of partnership. I birthed two babies who are now 20 and 16, and I am ready to not have to worry about getting pregnant again and yet I really want to cuddle some babies and hand them back to their mothers! I do feel a bit of grief about not being in sync with the moon because I think that is pretty awesome, but life is full of changes. Turning 50 definitely gets me less matches on dating apps, but I’m not turning back to 49 just to date a guy in his 30s or 40s who doesn’t realize how awesome a woman of 50 can be. Buh-bye.
Friends are awesome
Some dear women-friends and I went camping last weekend (yay Sequoias!) and agreed that we wouldn’t go back to our 20s or 30s for anything. The amount of emotional suffering, shame, fear of being ourselves, and groundlessness we endured in our 20s especially was no fun (even though we were partying and having fun!), and our 30s were the start of beginning to accept ourselves. It’s a process of giving zero fucks that finally starts to blossom in our 40s, which is made all the more beautiful with close women friends who are supportive and encouraging. It is a relief to say goodbye to any leftover competitiveness between women that might have existed when we were younger because of insecurities. We want to see our lady-friends shine!
Cuddles with girlfriends in nature.
Sky and I called this “Two dorks in a meadow!”
Another nurse with a sore back
Aging is humbling, though, I will say. Even though I feel just as youthful as I ever have, and still love dancing to techno as much as I did in 1994 and feel that I can use my body in all the ways that I have for decades, my body now needs more attention and nurturing. Although I didn’t take care of my body in my 20s as well as I do now, my spine and muscles are a lot more tender and prone to injury than they used to be. I sprained my lower back last week at work lifting a patient’s head of bed in an old heavy stretcher, and even brushed it off like, “Oh, my back is just tender because I'm getting my period. It’ll be fine in a couple of days.” Well, guess what — it’s not. I actually injured myself, as is common for nurses working with patients. Nurses have some of the highest workplace injury rates in healthcare, and it’s because we do a lot of lifting, bending, twisting, kneeling, standing for extended periods, and all sorts of activities and exposures that can either injure us acutely or wear us down over time. A nurse with a sore back is not an anomaly, and I’ve known a few nurses who took desk jobs due to back injuries or just wear-and-tear over time, including one fellow nurse with scoliosis who said, “My body just couldn’t take it anymore.”
Scoliosis wake-up call
My scoliosis was pointed out to me at age 27 and indeed I have had to focus on caring for my musculoskeletal system over the years with daily stretching, regular chiropractic work and acupuncture. But now at 50, my body is alerting me to greater need for flexibility and strengthening. My dear friend Koren Paalman (www.korenyoga.com) is a brilliant and super fun senior-level Iyengar teacher and is well-versed in teaching yoga for scoliosis. She gave me quite the hilarious lecture this morning about how I need to take aging and scoliosis more seriously. “You’re not going to like this, Siobhan,” she warned, and suggested that the one-size-fits-all workout videos I was doing are not good for my curved and aging spine. She also recommended the work of Elise Browning Miller for some great yoga for scoliosis videos. That’s a 10-4, good buddy!
Milestone birthdays carry different elements of accepting ourselves for who we are and where we are in our lives. Turning 50 during quarantine was a bit anti-climactic of course, and yet it is a process of understanding what it means for my body and how I care for it. 50 ain’t 40, and 40 ain’t 30! I have never lied about my age and have always committed to growing older gracefully, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I feel a bit shy about skin changes or the amount of grey hair I have, or my softer belly. It would be silly to pretend that these things don’t take some adjusting and humility to accept. Loving ourselves is always a process.
Caring for our bodies
Regardless of how young you are, you are aging! If you’re in your 20s or 30s, are there ways you can pay more attention to your body’s needs and prepare it for the long haul so you can keep dancing, running, jumping, twisting, bending, walking, carrying, hugging, cooking, standing for as long as you want? If you’re in your 40s, are you paying attention to any changes your body and mind and emotions are experiencing, and tuning into what you need in each moment, each month, each year?
Simple pleasures:
Excellent ice cream (this one’s vegan!) from Van Leewen with one of my dearests, Ms. Tania.
The needs I have at this stage in my life (and through this crazy year) are:
Extra sleep. I get 7 hours on work nights, and then sleep 9 hours on days off, and sometimes I stay in bed for 10+ hours! Why not! :) I deserve it, you deserve it!
Less caffeine. I am a black tea drinker mostly, but even one cup of coffee/espresso after 12pm can keep me up at night, and if I drink too much of any kind of caffeine during PMS, it makes my symptoms more challenging. Have you taken notice of how caffeine affects your hormones?
Daily movement. Walking, dancing around my living room, yoga, whatever. There doesn’t have to be a plan — just move your body! Bodies love movement, and so do our nervous systems, especially during traumatic times such as these.
Nutrition and hydration. I try to eat foods that make my body and soul feel good, including lots of veggies, and having ice cream on a hot day. :)
Time with friends. Grabbing a beverage and taking a walk with one of my dearests is like therapy. My dear friend Tania and I said to each other the other day, “Thank God for you!” For reals.
Music. Picking the right music for the right mood is everything. I made a playlist for early morning or late evening or otherwise mellow times, called Bonjour/Bonsoir. We played all 8.5 hours of it at our camp in the Sequoias last weekend!
Moments of silence. Sometimes it’s sitting and meditating, sometimes it’s staying in a yoga position for 5+ minutes, sometimes it’s putting away my phone to focus on taking bites and chewing my food, and sometimes it’s just staring out my window. However you do it, take time out of hustle-bustle and breathe.
Nature. I love camping and feeling dirt under my feet, but sometimes it’s not possible to get out of town. Sitting in the grass outside my apartment with bare feet is nature. Standing underneath a tree and looking up is nature. Watching the crows flying around my neighborhood is nature.
Whatever age we are and whatever we’re going through, our needs matter. Our bodies do amazing things and have varying needs throughout our lives. That doesn’t make them (us) any less amazing when our needs evolve. Yes, I’m looking at you. You are amazing.
Best wishes and peace to you and your beautiful, amazing body.