Quarantine weight gain, coffee cake, and giving ourselves a break
Weight gain – oh what a loaded subject! For most of us, it's not just about the food and the added weight -- it's a quagmire of negative body image, feeling like a failure, feeling unattractive, a gauge of our worthiness, wanting others' approval, and overall negative self-talk about laziness/motivation. And of course during this quarantine, many of us have gained weight. We're home more, we're snacking more, and we're eating out of stress – which includes boredom, grief, depression, and fear of the unknown. We’re hungry for hugs from friends, going to concerts or sporting events, playing sports or dancing with friends, family barbecues, birthday parties, financial security, and any reliable plan for the future.
We're also gaining weight because we're enjoying cooking, baking and eating, right? It’s a pleasurable experience during all this time at home. We're exploring recipes that we didn't have time for when we were working 40+ hours a week and commuting every day! What a beautiful thing. People are baking bread, exploring dinner recipes, cooking with their kids (blessings to all the mamas and papas!), and obviously eating out less. Gaining some weight because we're enjoying food and the process of making food – that seems like a beautiful thing about getting off the hamster wheel.
I'm no stranger to freaking out about weight gain, but I am also actively working on letting go of my attachment to being a certain size or weight so that I can stop (or at least reduce) suffering about weight gain or weight stabilization. I’m working on not associating weight loss with "success" and weight gain with "failure." I’m working on loving myself for all of the awesome things I offer to my loved ones, my community, and the world – that aren’t related to what I look like in my jeans. And I’m working on appreciating my body for all of the awesome things it allows me to do! Dancing, walking, hugging, cooking, working, grocery shopping, stretching….
Maybe during this weird time, with no previously written playbook of how to work through this pandemic crisis, we are doing our best. We turn to food as a coping mechanism because it provides comfort. What’s so wrong about that? Nothing. My dad says, “COVID made me realize how much I love coffee cake!”
In these extraordinary times, perhaps we can allow ourselves some wiggle room in how we care for ourselves. Maybe we can look around us and see how popular the #quarantine15 hashtag is, and realize that we're all in the same boat, and not criticize ourselves so much. We’re all going to be emerging from quarantine with a little more squeeze into our jeans. Who cares. If you’re reading this, you’re not dead – so you’re winning this pandemic.
I’m still in this process too of “who cares.” It’s my work to do as well. I was doing a lot of emotional/stress eating for the first few months of 2020, and then quarantine hit! I totally put on the #quarantine15 before quarantine even began! And then in April, the sugar cravings were getting me down. I was eating chocolate or the delicious baked goods that my daughters have been baking, pretty much every day! I was having major mood swings and cravings, and my digestion was feeling very icky. I was having bouts of nausea, indigestion, and icky bowel movements. So I decided to do a “reset” and went full force. I did a Whole 30-type diet for 4 weeks, very restrictive, and definitely did feel better, and I’m not craving sugar like I was. But of COURSE, what was I hoping for? I was hoping I’d lose weight on this super restrictive diet! Did I? NO! Do I feel better, though, and have much easier digestion, and am I more aware of which foods make me feel good and which don’t? YES!
I spent the last few weeks assessing what’s really important to me. Is losing this 10-15 pounds really going to make me feel more fulfilled as a human being? Am I really that concerned about how this “extra” weight will affect my health? Do I think my friends and family will ridicule me? No. No. No.
Am I tired of this yo-yo diet nonsense, where I feel successful if I lose weight, and feel like a failure when I gain weight? YES. Do I think diets work for losing weight? NO. They may work temporarily, but most of us put the weight back on, and the diet industry LOVES that. I’m tired of restricting myself from eating yummy foods (bread, cheese, sweets) and then rebelling against myself and eating ALL the bread, cheese and sweets! How about I just eat some bread, cheese and sweets and just enjoy it and also eat the veggies and healthy fats and proteins?
We don’t want to do things that we “should” do. We don’t like doing our taxes. We don’t like exercising if we “should” do it to lose weight – but don’t we love to move our bodies when we feel inspired to move them? Sometimes I dance around my living room for the pure joy of it, and sometimes I am grieving, lonely, and crying, and I dance slowly through it. That feels so much better than forcing myself to do a workout – especially in these stressful quarantine times. When we’re in stress, our sympathetic nervous systems are helping us survive – and they’re less focused on digestion. Digestion isn’t that relevant when you’re in “fight or flight/freeze” mode, like when your life is being threatened. So even if you’re eating all the clean foods and exercising a bunch, you still might not lose weight during stressful times. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means your body needs something else right now, to nurture your nervous system – like maybe some comfort food, some herbal teas that calm, and some gentle movement and breathing.
Try to be gentle with yourself.
Best wishes and peace to you and all of your loved ones during this time.
Here are a few ways to help you cope with stress. Enjoy your coffee cake, dad, and also try a few of these. :)
