Birthday party in the park with my beloved family! Yay for joy!

For many of us, life is starting to happen again. Vaccinations are up, COVID numbers are down, people are out and about, things are opening, and we get to see the bottom halves of each other’s faces more often. But is there any such thing as “back to normal?” How do we move on from the trauma of the past year? How will we reconnect? How are we different than a year ago? How have we grown, and how do we integrate into life and friendships and society again?

We each have different comfort levels when seeing other people or being in crowds, and everyone’s readiness for being back in society should be respected. We’ve been through so much — isolation, depression, fear, loss, grief, loneliness, anger. The pandemic, police brutality, financial insecurity, and political upheaval have stirred up every unfun emotion. Joy has been lacking since March 2020 for many of us. How we do reenter life and find joy and connection again while adjusting to the new normal of being with people?

Please get vaccinated (if you can) to avoid future surges

I’ve written previously about my own vaccine hesitancy, fears, and being susceptible to conspiracy theories. I was a homebirthing mama who was fearful of vaccines, which left me wide open to misinformation and fear-mongering without realizing it. I eventually changed my mind, largely thanks to my nursing education. If you have similar fears, please read my blog post: “Confessions of a (former) vaccine skeptic.”

We all want to get back to life. We all want to go to concerts, eat in restaurants, have birthday parties, meet new people, go to museums…. and during the summer months, covid numbers will probably stay low because we’ll be doing many of these activities outdoors. But we will be at risk for more surges once the weather gets cooler and everyone goes indoors, with higher risk of new variants. Vaccinations have plateaued at far below the percentage that immunologists and public health officials have been hoping for, which could leave us vulnerable in the Fall and Winter. Let’s all get vaccinated, unless your physician tells you otherwise.

1.35 billion Covid vaccine doses have been given across the world (as of May 19th, 2021). There are no more “guinea pigs.”

To mask or not to mask? (An ode to nuance)

The CDC released new guidelines this week, saying we can drop the masks because vaccinations are so effective, and about 36% of the population is fully vaccinated. State/County/local governments can override the federal guidelines depending on local need, but this announcement creates confusion about how ready the country is to re-open. Many of us in the medical community, especially those who experience or pay attention to health disparities, feel it’s too soon — at least for urban areas — to drop the masks. Just the suggestion of dropping masks inside grocery stores and workplaces creates anxiety for many, and it could mean that employees of businesses who require masks for employee and customer safety could experience even more harassment and bad behavior than normal by people who don’t understand the guidelines for their area, or those who want to take advantage of the confusion so they can harass people and post it on social media for their followers.

National Nurses United has come out with a statement urging the CDC to revoke their recent mask guidelines, stating similar concerns about variants, only 37% of the population being vaccinated, and risk to essential workers, children, and those with weakened immune systems. Unfortunately, the CDC is vulnerable to political pressure because it is not an independent federal agency, and NNU fears they caved to political pressure by removing the mask mandate so abruptly.

I am fully vaccinated. Here’s when I do and do not wear a mask.

I’m not wearing one outdoors, in non-crowded areas. If I will be in a crowd, or spending more than a couple of minutes near people I don’t know, I put my mask on. I keep my mask on my chin or at least in my hand, ready for use. In some of these instances I feel like I’m wearing it to just show that I care about others, because the risk is quite low outdoors as long as you’re not face-to-face for a lengthy conversation— but I feel that addressing the mental health of my fellow humans is important too, so if all I need to do to reduce the anxiety of fellow humans around me is wear a mask for a bit, I’ll do it.

I attended an outdoor dance party recently and I felt super anxious about seeing so many people. Every time I walked toward the dancefloor I felt the anxiety creep up again because most people were not wearing masks, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about hugging friends I hadn’t seen in ages — but ooooooooh those hugs felt gooooooooood! The dancefloor was pretty well spaced out for “dist-dancing” at first, but as the dancefloor became more crowded, I felt uncomfortable and tried to keep my distance from people, and eventually hung out on the sidelines because it felt too close for comfort.

I have only visited indoors with a few friends and family members, but we are all fully vaccinated, so we did not wear masks. As indoor gatherings grow, I will consider each one individually to see how I feel. The vaccines are incredible effective, but nothing is 100%, and in my hippie raver community, there are some falling prey to misunderstandings about vaccine science.

A couple of vaccinated dorks at an outdoor dance party!

Go check out @modernmysticsky — she’s an amazing creative strategist and a big part of how I found my voice to write my blogs!

I had a birthday picnic at a park recently, where only 3 out of 20 were not vaccinated. We were mindful about distance, and the masks came on and off depending on what we were doing. When sitting next to an unvaccinated mama and her baby on a blanket, I put my mask on.

I am wearing a mask in most indoor situations. I am wearing a mask in any shopping or healthcare locations, and my entire day at work at the hospital. Even if mask mandates are lifted inside, I may continue to wear a mask in public indoor spaces, until more of us are vaccinated.

Everyone will have different comfort levels, at different times, in different situations. Everyone’s needs should be respected, but especially the workers who are faced with the public every day.

I hope that mask-wearing will become more normal, even if Covid is behind us at some point. In many Asian countries, it is normal to wear a mask if you are having cold/flu symptoms, as a civic duty to protect others. I hope we will do the same in the States.

Cautious optimism

COVID is still happening all around the world, with India as the current hot spot, and South Asian countries that did so well earlier in the pandemic have resurgences. Until we are all safe, no one is safe. But I am hopeful, and many of us are hopeful, as long as we can get vaccines to as many people as possible. Of course there are so many contributing factors to these surges, including poverty, oppression, crowded living situations, lack of relief for working people, lack of clean water, and limited access to healthcare services. We can’t fix that all with a vaccine, but vaccines will certainly help get our human race out of this immediate tragedy.

I live in Los Angeles, which has started to reopen. We had never fully opened since March 2020. We were one of the first states to shut down, schools have been closed the entire time, and the closest we got to opening was parks and beaches and some outdoor dining for a few months before it got shut down again. Pre-pandemic, I used to say that the only reason I could tolerate this crazy city is by taking advantage of the beautiful diversity of people, food, art and music that it has to offer! Otherwise the traffic and the constant hustle to make ends meet can feel taxing. Schools just started to re-open in April, outdoor concerts are starting again, people are starting to have get-togethers, and life is beginning to buzz. So, how do we have fun again? How do we trust other human beings again? And who were those people we used to hang out with before the pandemic, and do we even still like them?…

How do we nurture friendships again?

Los Angeles is a tough city to make ends meet, and make and maintain friendships. We spend so much time in our cars, and friends are often spread out, with traffic preventing get-togethers. This pandemic eliminated traffic hindrances for a while, but of course the pandemic has essentially eliminated entire categories of friendships and connections that we will have to relearn how to nurture. While some managed to have “germ pods” of a handful of close friends, many did not have that luxury because of health issues that make them vulnerable, or family members at high-risk.

Most of us have interacted only over social media over the past year, and that has not been pretty. Friendships have been lost because of Facebook (IG, Twitter, whatever) posts, drama stirred up with no in-person conversations or hugs to balance out the anger and distrust. Do we have new priorities and requirements for the friendships in our lives? Perhaps. This pandemic has shined a light on many issues in our society — health disparities, racism, and damage done to our individual and collective psyche by social media. It has highlighted differences in our value systems, without common interests and fun times to help find common ground.

Recovering from the ho-hum of isolation

Languishing, describes Adam Grant in the New York Times, is “a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.” It’s not full-blown depression, but it’s a common experience during this pandemic, especially as the months drag by, without joyful events or things to look forward to. And of course there’s loneliness, grief, and confusion or uncertainty about the future.

Some friends have made huge life decisions during the pandemic, like marriage or divorce or birthed children, and some have been unable to make any kinds of major decisions despite how pressing they may be, like looking for a new job or a place to live.

All of these emotions and experiences are “normal” in a totally not-normal situation. Humans are social creatures — we’re meant to work in groups, to learn from, inspire, mimic, and develop empathy for each other. Being separated from people, even people we might not have treasured pre-pandemic, like coworkers and acquaintances, has taken its toll. In the first few months of the lockdowns many of us made effort to have Zoom meetings or parties, but those lost their novelty. One one hand I got accustomed to being alone, and on the other I have been incredibly lonely. I know I’m not the only one. Being single during a pandemic is no joke, but I gather that being partnered has been challenging for many as well.

#momlife

Has anyone had it harder than moms of young children? I don’t want to say that dads haven’t had it hard too, especially single dads — but I’m gonna say it. Moms have it hard. Moms have had to be breadwinners, schoolteachers, CFOs of the home, often with very little support — even those with partners. Unfortunately, moms still handle the majority of housework and childcare, including homeschooling, even when working full time — which is especially no joke during a pandemic.

All hail the moms!! Or better yet — handle some responsibilities and give her a break. :)

Body image worries

Remember only a few months into the pandemic, the stupid hashtag “quarantine15” spread like a wildfire in a drought? Well, guess what. Lots of our bodies have changed, asses and thighs are thicker, tummies are poochier, and pants are a size or two larger.

And you know what else? If you’re reading this, you’re ALIVE. You’ve survived a pandemic. You’re LUCKY. Give that bootie a shake, give your chunk a squeeze, and say, THANK YOU BEAUTIFUL BODY, WE SURVIVED THROUGH A YEAR OF PANDEMIC! It is a blessing to be alive. Wear clothes that fit so you’re comfortable, and put away or get rid of clothes that make you sad.

If people in your life are going to comment about any changes to your body, you can tell them that you don’t want to discuss body sizes or changes, that you have more important stuff to think about and talk about. Remember that people who are so focused on your body are actually harmfully focused on their bodies. They are judging themselves, and will judge you. Our culture is obsessed with slender, white bodies and like I’ve written about before, diets don’t work, and the diet industry is a multi-billion dollar theft of your self-worth.

In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter that you’re a bit thicker than you were in March 2020? Nope.

Restarting

So much, and yet so little, has happened since March 2020. It’s the year out-of-time, and yet it’s a year of things that never seem to go away — racism, police violence, income disparities. We have changed, in some way or another, with what we’ve endured during this time. Some people lived their best lives during lockdown, some suffered with loneliness, some lost loved ones, and some decided to not go back to the lives they lived before. It’s been a year of digging in, figuring out how we want to move forward, in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes that feels incredibly scary, and sometimes it feels exciting and empowering.

It’s a good time to hit the restart button. You don’t have to treat life the same way as before the pandemic, because this year has been unlike any other. It’s an opportunity to reevaluate, take stock, dream big, and reset. You may not know the full path yet, but you are alive and can breathe in and out and create new possibilities.

Artist Pierre Bennu wrote in his awesome little book, Bullshit or Fertilizer: Tough Love for Artists on the Fence:

“There are a lot of people who have the audacity to be untalented or ignorant or unimaginative, out loud and in public. We need to be the superheroes we know we are in public, too. The world is falling apart and we choose to play Clark Kent. Sitting at a desk with a cape on underneath our work clothes. You are here to create balance. All you have to be is you: out loud.”

Take the time you need

It might take us some time to get back in the groove of making connections, feeling comfortable around others, figuring out how to navigate time and space around friends we haven’t seen, and remembering how to make conversation.

A handful of my friends have planned a couple of “coffee and art posse” get-togethers. We meet outdoors for coffee, then head to a couple of art galleries. It’s a nice warm-up, and it’s relaxed. I like that I can chat with my friends, but if I’m feeling overwhelmed with interaction, I can walk away and go stare at some art.

Best wishes to your emotional and physical well-being. May your summer be peaceful, safe and joyful.

Feel free to comment below with suggestions or stories about how you’re re-entering life, or planning on it!

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Please remember that my writings are for informational and educational purposes only. I do not give medical advice. Please consult with your provider before making any medical decisions.

Reopening, reconnecting, restarting