These times are pretty nuts. We are enduring a lot, and our nervous systems are taxed. Stress may show up in different ways for each of us. We may feel triggered into anger or depression more easily, feel hopeless, ears ringing, difficulty sleeping, lights seem too bright, digestion is difficult, sex drive is out the window, memory or thinking is foggy, or we’re just fatigued.

In so many of our lives, stress is a daily struggle. I live in Los Angeles, California, COVID capital of the universe at the moment, and I live in the United States, insurrection capital of the universe at the moment.

During these unprecedented times we have stressful jobs, or we’re unemployed or underemployed; we’re homeschooling; we’re fighting against injustice or we’re the target of racism, anti-semitism, homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, Islamaphobia; we’re doom-scrolling or numbing ourselves on social media or TV; we’re trying to eat right; we’re trying to move our bodies but it can feel like another thing on our to-do list; we miss our friends and family; we miss hugs; we’re trying to find joy in this weird life.

Get some sleep. Your nervous system will thank you.

My dears, if at all possible, try to get some extra sleep. As much as you can. Sleep is as close as we get to an antidote to stress. It gives our nervous systems a moment to tone down. You may have been functioning on 6, 7, 8 hours of sleep for years but how often do you let yourself stay in bed and sleep for as long as you feel like it? How often do you feel midday that you’re tired, but you push through? When was the last time you took a nap when your kids took a nap? On days when you don’t have to work, do you look at the clock in the morning and think, “I *should* get up?” What if you closed your eyes again?

Stress of any kind (physical, emotional, environmental) causes a cascade of hormone responses in our body, particularly adrenaline and cortisol. If we have chronic stress (jobs, relationships, White supremacy, finances, lack of food, dieting, parenting, lack of sleep) we are chronically in a state of our sympathetic nervous systems (the “fight or flight” system) being triggered and our parasympathetic nervous systems (“rest and digest”) being undernourished. This chronic state of stress without enough rest or sleep to allow your body to recover can result in all sorts of issues like elevated blood pressure, thyroid issues, anxiety and depression, decreased immunity, difficulty digesting, memory loss, and elevated blood sugar.

What can you do to alleviate stress and give your body and mind a chance to recover?

Here are some stress-reducing ideas.

Try one of them, try a few, whatever. There is no right or wrong — there is only what works for you, in this moment, today. Give yourself permission to love up on yourself.

1. Sleep.

Take naps if you can, sleep as much as your body and mind want you to, when you can. Aim for early bed time. Give your nervous system a chance to recoup. I know it’s not so easy when you have regular work schedule or young children, but see where you can squeeze in a nap. The dishes can wait.

2. Eat

Of course it’s beneficial to eat as many plant foods, and as many colors of plant foods as you can in your daily diet, but it’s also just important to eat enough food. If you’re finding that you’re hungry in the evening, maybe you’re not eating enough food throughout the day. If you feel like you want to eat comfort food but you’re stressed about whether you “should” or not, maybe just allow yourself to eat what your body is asking for. Don’t add more stress about food onto the stress you already have.

During times of stress, question if now is the right time to do a diet, or intermittent fasting, or any kind of food restriction that puts stress on the body and mind. (Note: I question if it’s ever a good time to do these things, but people do what they like to do!)

When you’re eating, do only that, whenever possible. Can you put your phone down, turn the TV off? Just eat. Look at your food. Smell it. Chew. How does it taste? What are the textures you sense in each bite? Are you chewing enough times to get the food into a paste? Swallow. Does your body want more? If so, then go for it.

3. Breathe

That can mean dedicated time to meditate (2 minutes, 5 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever. Any number of minutes are better than no minutes!), or just have moments of destimulating yourself. Put down your phone, close your eyes, and breathe. Just notice your breath. Where do you sense your breath? Do you feel your breath coming in and out of your nostrils? Do you feel it in your chest rising and falling? In your belly? Or if it feels too stressful to focus on your breath, pick a different part of your body that feels comfortable. Maybe your hands? Your fingers? Are they warm, cool, or neutral?

Meditating isn’t about “clearing your thoughts.” That is a myth. It’s simply about being present to whatever is happening in this moment — thoughts, feelings, sensations, breath.

There are apps to support you. See which one you like.
- Calm.
- Headspace.
  - Headspace was offering free subscriptions to healthcare workers in 2020 — check out this link to see if they’re still doing it!
- Insight Timer. (I use this one. It has basic timers/chimes, and also lots of guided meditations, chanting, and sound healing.)

Good friendships deserve to be nurtured. Tania and I meet outdoors, masked and at a safe distance, for our cawfee tawk dates at least once a week.

We like our urban nature walks as well.

4. Find nature

If you’re lucky enough to have lots of nature near you, awesome. If you have a garden or houseplants, get your fingers in the dirt.

If you don’t, is there a tree on your block that you can look up into? Breathe. If you have no trees on your block, find a plant or grasses of any kind. Have a good look at this little life. What shapes are they? What color are the leaves or branches? Is it moving in the wind or is it still? What does the soil look like? Are there any bugs moving around it? Are there clouds today? Planes moving across the sky?

5. Delete one time-suck social media app

Delete a time-suck social media app off your phone. Just give it a try. See what happens. I deleted the Facebook app off my phone after I watched The Social Dilemma and it got me out of the habit of checking it every 5 seconds. Now I check it only on my computer. I go days without checking it because I just forget about it. It’s liberating. I deleted the Twitter app off my phone a few days ago and things are looking up. I can read or watch the news — I don’t need updates every second.

How about turning off all notifications on your phone apps? Do you need an update every time someone posts or comments on something, or there’s breaking news?

I still like Instagram, for now. I don’t get notifications, and when I check it, I’ve tailored my feed so it’s full of admirable people doing great things around social justice, body liberation, creativity, and support.

6. Keep hobbies nearby

Wherever you like to sit in your house to relax, and are often tempted to pick up your phone and “doom-scroll” or stare at the television, have something else next to you that soothes your soul. A book, your arts/crafts (I love knitting), a musical instrument, stationery for writing a letter, a journal, whatever.

If you go to bed with your phone at your side, is there another option for an alarm clock? Can you leave your phone in another room to charge, giving your brain some time to decompress from your day? Maybe pick up a book or pick a Tarot card (yes, hippie weirdo here — I’m sure I’m not the only one) or write in your journal or meditate instead. See how your morning feels if you don’t check your phone right away.

7. TV watching, mindfully

Choose shows that help you feel calm or joyful. If a show makes your heartbeat increase or your mouth dry, maybe choose something else.

Limit your news-watching. If I’ve hit my limit, I switch to a nature program. I’m a sucker for anything with David Attenborough, like BBC’s Planet Earth series on Netflix. My best friend loves basketball and old reruns of Law & Order! The predictability of old reruns is like comfort food.

Don’t watch violent images if they upset you. And for goodess’ sake, don’t send violent images to your already-oppressed friends — like police shootings of Black people. They already know. Don’t make it worse.

8. Gentle and/or joyful movement

Gentle stretches, going for a walk or bike ride, restorative yoga poses, dancing around your living room, kicking a ball around. Whatever kind of movement brings you joy, great.

“Exercise” and “working out” is great if you enjoy it but like the awesome Robyn Conley Downs says in her podcast Feel Good Effect | Real Food Whole Life, if wellness is another thing to add to your to-do list, then it’s just another thing to stress about. During times of stress like these, maybe it’s not the time to do a HIIT workout or run a marathon if that feels like too much. If you’re having a hard time figuring out what kind of movement brings you joy, maybe put on your favorite music and see what movements your body wants to make — awkward or not. Explore. Who cares. It’s movement, and movement is great.

Big ol’ Mason Jar

2 or 3 of these in a day and I’m well hydrated!

9. Hydrate

Dehydration can increase our cortisol (stress hormone) levels and decrease serotonin, which can increase anxiety and depression — and vice-versa! Stress puts strain on our hormones and causes dehydration! How much water or other non-alcohol fluids are you drinking? Can you drink more water or tea today? Aim for 2-3 liters per day (unless your physician says otherwise). I have a big Mason jar that I keep near me day and night, and make sure I refill at least twice.

… Drink alcohol mindfully

During times of stress it can feel soothing to have a drink in the evening. If that’s something you’re doing quite often though, maybe check in with yourself next time you are going to the kitchen for a drink. Are you coping with a difficult emotion right now? Are you feeling exhausted, lonely, anxious, depressed? Can you sit with those emotions instead of trying to get rid of them?

I ask these questions before I go for snacks or sweets, because sometimes I’m just reaching because I am bored or lonely. I try to let myself feel those feelings without reaching for something else. Right now, I am lonely. Right now, I’m bored — is there something else I need?

During stressful times it’s best to avoid alcohol if you can. It’s a depressant and can mess with our stress hormones, cause erratic sleeping patterns. This prevents us from getting enough REM sleep, which is all about memory, mood and cognition.

If you do enjoy a drink, it’s important to hydrate before and after drinking. The best time to drink is late afternoon or early evening (happy hour!) so it’s metabolized by the time you go to bed.

10. Just LOVE UP on your body

What else do you like to do to calm your nerves and enjoy your time?

Take a bath. Put some nice lotion on. Masturbate. Look at magazines. Flip through art books. Did you know that museums all over the world are doing free virtual tours during quarantine? Organize your photos. Fertilize the houseplants. Write a letter. Make art. Volunteer. Walk the dog. Pet the cat.

11. Reach out

Call or Facetime a loved one. Give time to people who make you feel nourished, not drained. That may change from one week to the next. If you’re lonely, depressed, anxious — tell someone. There is no shame during these nutty times, and you are not alone. Reach out to people you trust with your experiences.

If you are feeling hopeless, having difficulty with daily activities or thoughts of harming yourself or others, please seek professional help. Please tell people who love you. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or go to their website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Your life matters.

Are you old enough to remember life before social media?

Sometimes I think back to life before email and social media and 24-hour news cycles. Gen-X’ers like me grew up without those things and then reluctantly fell in love with them. Before all these time-sucks and constant feeds of information, what did you do? Could you do those things now?

I read a novel every 2 weeks back then. I wrote poetry. I called my friends. I sat in front of my stereo and listened to music, reading the liner notes in the records or CDs. I lay down on the floor and pet my cat.

There were pauses. Pauses were good. We can create more pauses now. It’s calming to the nervous system.

May you find the right pauses for yourself.

Best wishes and peace to you during these trying times.

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Please remember that my writings are for informational and educational purposes only. I do not give medical advice. Please consult with your provider before making any medical decisions or starting a new exercise program.

This country is going nuts. It’s time for a nap.